A couple of weeks ago I wrote a first review of Mark and Grace Driscoll’s book Real Marriage. Today I am reviewing the section section of the book that deals entirely with sex and its place in marriage. In the first section of the book I found many admirable things, but had to do so while filtering the content from a very different theological position. Being a white male pastor it was probably easier for me to do than it would be for others, but there were some good ideas about marriage that many would find helpful.

In this section I was really surprised that I didn’t feel the need to add any filters. This section of the book is really good. It is Biblical, balanced, and honest in a way that too few Christian books on sex and marriage are. The last chapter of the section where they answer some of the more interesting questions about what is permissible sexually within marriage undoubtedly will get more attention than the chapters proceeding it, but it isn’t the best chapter. The best chapter is the chapter called Selfish Lovers and Servant Lovers. This chapter captures well a kingdom ethic of sexuality within marriage.

The really beautiful part of the chapter is a contrast between behaviors of selfishness and behaviors of serving one another. It is particularly beautiful because these behaviors and their contrasts are applicable outside of just sex. The Driscolls capture well here the transformational nature of the good news of Jesus and his call to live as representatives of the Kingdom of God. Here are some examples of behaviors that they talk about .

Ways We Are Selfish Lovers -

Rarely have sex

Take too little time, make too little effort

Only have sex when we both feel like it at the same time

Rarely intiate

Let ourselves go- become undesirable

Commit sexual sabotage

Make our spouses earn sex

Have separate beds or bedrooms

Share our beds with children and pets

They back up this talk of selfish behavior with a look at the reasons and the contexts of our life that lead to such behavior. This is a really good section of the book and I believe it will hold value for most married couples to read it through and discuss it. This conversation around selfish behaviors is also easily applicable to other parts of our life. The same attitudes that dominate  our sex life can easily dominate our relationships with our family, our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, our neighbors, and co-workers. The ultimate ethic of life in the kingdom of God is our ability to set aside our life in service of others as Christ did for us. Many of our issues around sex come from a lack of practicing this ethic.

The other parts of this section on sex that are particularly good are the honest look at the nature and effect of sexual abuse and the effects of pornography on our sexuality. These chapters are honest, like everything else in the book- sometimes painfully so, but that is good and necessary. There is very little honesty around sex in our culture and the Driscolls should be commended for seeking to lay it out there the best that they can.

If you are looking for a resource that seeks to talk about sex honestly and Biblically this book is pretty good one. If you need a perspective on difficult questions to answer such as questions on oral sex, sodomy, pornography, abuse, etc… I can recommend this section of the book as well done and helpful.

Overall the book is somewhat of a mixed bag for me just because of my differing theology on the role of men and women in marriage and in the church. Looking past that, especially in the first section of the book, I can find some good ideas about marriage. If you are of a theological persuasion more closely aligned to the Driscolls, I am sure you will be pleased by it. I do however, recommend without reservation the second section on sex and the third section which talks about creating a common dream and vision for your marriage. Regardless of your theological persuasion, these are pretty helpful and appreciatively honest.

With so much already written about it, what do I have to add to the conversation? Well let me state up front that Mark Driscoll and I disagree on quite a bit about the church, the role of women in the church, and some fundamental questions about the Gospel. But, I didn’t want that to color my ability to read this book and miss out on the good that might be present in it. Reading it has been a spiritual discipline of humility and listening as much as anything else. I try to make a point to spending time really reading the people that rub me the wrong way so as not to get too enamored with myself or people I find myself easily agreeing with.

So what about the book itself. Well my interaction with the book itself will need to play out over several different posts because there are important questions here. The first section of the book is focused on marriage and the interaction of husband and wife. I will talk about that section first. The first impression I had of this section was simply that it was brave. They are very honest about their marriage and what it has taken them to learn how to have a healthy marriage. They are very honest about their personal stories, their marital beginnings and their failings. Much of the criticism of the book has been about some of the very personal details about their relational and sexual past that are shared in the book. I don’t have that criticism at all. This is one of the values of the book. It is real. The look at their marriage is real. We sugar coat things and hide them behind closed doors far too often in the church. Their candor is refreshing and will undoubtedly be really helpful to a number of people.

My personal battle with the book is with the over arching theology of men and women that dominates every aspect of it. They are strongly entrenched in a theological camp that supports male headship in the church and home. So my struggle was to see behind that veil and to try and find the parts that I could interact with. With that being said, there are a lot of really practical things about marriage in this book that are worthy of consideration. The way they look at their own efforts to submit to one another and to respect one another are good and healthy. Their emphasis on building a friendship at the center of the marriage is really helpful. They address destructive patterns of husbands and wives within marriage and offer alternatives. For all of that I will give them due credit. If you are of a similar theological persuasion and live out a marriage in the way they encourage you to I am convinced you can have a healthy and satisfying marriage.

Ultimately, the lacking I find in this section is in its vision of the transforming nature of the kingdom of God. Because of my differing theological views, I was left wanting for a vision of what marriage might look like in the kingdom. The marriage they outline is a best case scenario marriage for a world that is still living by order of things created by the fall. But Christ came to offer us an alternative world to live in. It is the kingdom of God. And in the kingdom the divisions based on gender and roles are no longer the dominant force at work determining how we live. Instead the transcending grace of God that set us all equally before the feet of God becomes our guiding ethic. We recognize that Jesus’ sacrificial and incarnational example becomes our guide for thinking about marriage. That is the part of this book that is missing for me, and from this theological stance in general. It is lacking the true ethic and vision of the alternative life offered to us in the kingdom of God.

If you can add that filter to what is written, this section on marriage is very practical and has some very healthy ideas about communication, learning to serve one another and how to avoid destructive behaviors. A multitude of marriages inside and outside the church would benefit from these practices. I am just hungry for something more from it.

Next time I will review the section on sex. That’s right, somehow I found a way to blog about sex again.

The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller – This one comes highly recommended by numerous people. I am just beginning it, but I can already tell it is going to be a worth while read.

Real Marriage – Mark and Grace Driscoll – This book has already generated quite a bit of publicity and controversy. I am reading it because of my desire to engage in conversations about sexuality and marriage. I don’t want to comment on it just by what others say about it. I am pretty sure I will have issues with the approach of this one, but I am working to have a very open mind going in. I am especially interested to contrast it with Keller’s book.

Preaching in the Inventive Age – Doug Pagitt – This one I picked up for $.99 on sale a couple of weeks ago. I meant to read it when it came out and never did. So I am glad to do so now almost for free.

The Church is Flat – Tony Jones – This is the work Tony created for his PHD program at Princeton. It is one of the most thorough accounts of the emergent church, its origins, and practices. Knowing that Tony invested a tremendous amount of his life into this, I want to give it a shake.

A Public Faith – Miroslav Volf - I am actively engaged in this book and there is a tremendous amount of excellence here. I need to really carve out some intentional time to finish reading it and really wrestling with it. A big recommendation.

The King Jesus Gospel – Scot McKnight – I am most of the way through this book and it is not only really good but really important. Scot hits this one out of the ballpark with his presentation of the gospel and what it means to gospel in our world.

Untitled – Blaine Hogan - This book is focused on the creative process. I am excited about its potential for writing, sermonizing and ministry ideas.

Quitter – Jon Acuff – Jon is the writer of Stuff Christians Like, which is the most consistently humorous and creative blog in Christendom. This book should be very entertaining and challenging. It is focused on the idea of why we never complete the dreams we set out to accomplish.

Veneer: Living Deeply in Surface Society by Tim Willard and Jason Locy - This one came highly recommended and seems like a good companion to the discipleship work I am doing right now.

Those are the ten for right now, what are you working on?

(I)n our world today sex sells, and the reason sex sells is because it has become intrinsic to who we are, except not in a good way.

Paris describes the root of this problem when she says “Whether it’s in the area of shopping, sports, jobs or sex, Western values encourage people to discover what they really want and then go for it; the happy person is one who can freely do what he or she wants to do. Desire and action are closely linked, so harmony between wanting and doing is believed to bring fulfillment” (pg 126). This understanding may be the norm for us living in the Western world, but it shouldn’t be the norm for those of us who want to live in the kingdom. Everything about Christianity involves giving up what we want and doing the will of God instead – sexuality is included here. Human desires are fleeting, but God’s intentions remain firm.

The issue of sexual identity and its overpowering role in our culture is at the root of most of our struggles within the church in exhibiting and teaching a Godly sexuality. We make sex too big a deal in some regards and not nearly a big enough deal in others. We overvalue what it means to us personally and undervalue what it means to our spiritual life. I will definitely start digging into this book soon. Has anyone out there read it?

In the second half of the book he makes the important shift from his deconstruction of biblicism to his recommendations for the reading of the Bible. At the core of Smith’s ideas for how to read scripture is to read all of scripture through the lens of Christ. This Christocentric reading of scripture allows us to interpret and understand everything in scripture based on the reality of the living word of God. A Christ centered reading of scripture allows the gospel the necessary prominence in our lives for our reading of scripture to affect our daily living.

A truly evangelical reading of scripture confronts us with a particular story and message that, if taken seriously, blow the doors off every assumption, outlook, and experience that we have ever had apart from Jesus Christ. The evangelical message of scripture shakes loose from us every misguided and idolatrous preconception about everything, literally everything, that we thought we knew, and then begins to rebuild us in light of the singularly radical fact of who God really is and therefore who we really are in relation to God and what he has done for us. The good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ is the most important thing we will ever need to hear and know, and it has the power to reframe and transform everything else.

Smith, Christian (2011-08-01). Bible Made Impossible, The (p. 85). Brazos Press. Kindle Edition.

This is not a new idea with Smith and I think many evangelicals, including those who Smith would classify as biblicists in fact have a Christ centered reading of scripture. What I found helpful in his suggestions was his alternative to a flat reading of scripture. For many biblicists scripture is flat, that is all passages carry equal weight. We see this in extreme examples with those who want to take verses in Leviticus about homosexual behavior and put them on signs to display for the world. Most of us look at that and know immediately that such actions are in direct contradiction to the gospel. But for those with a flat reading of scripture that is a reasonable action.

For those of us who preach and teach scripture, helping our people to begin their scripture reading always focused on the gospel can be a valuable tool. Many of our people struggle to take Levitical law and make sense of it compared to the gospel. But by helping them start with Christ and then read the gospel back into such passages we can help them at least come to a point where they don’t feel conflict between the two.

This is probably my finally post on The Bible Made Impossible. Finally getting to Smith’s suggestions for how to read scripture, following his deconstruction of biblicism, I find his suggestions helpful if not revolutionary. In fact I would say most of my pastor friends already practice much of what he proposes because we have already found real issues with full fledged biblicism. Over all the book is very helpful in identifying issues within evangelicalism and our treatment of scripture and at least fairly helpful in offering some alternatives. I haven’t delved deeply into all of Smith’s reading suggestions here because I don’t think it necessary. The best take aways from the book are its insights into the practices of scripture reading of our people and how to focus our instruction to help them overcome these deficiencies. In all I found this book helpful, insightful, well researched and challenging. It didn’t rock my world but it did put to words many thoughts and experiences that I have had. I would gladly recommend it to any of you looking for a challenging book with good insights.

Today I want to delve into a bit more of Smith’s deconstruction of our beliefs about the Bible before moving on to his ideas of how to better view scripture. One of the things Smith challenges us to consider is this.

Most biblicists carry on with unperturbed confidence in biblicist assumptions and beliefs, paying little attention to the ramifications of multiple counterclaims about rival biblical teachings. Why and how can this be?

Smith offers a couple of possibilities for why this may be.

1. Our Social Networks – In essence, birds of a feather flock together. We naturally gravitate towards other like minded people and as a result we don’t actually deal with the differing theologies of our Christian brothers and sisters that much. We stay clustered and don’t pay much mind to what others believe or teach. (Here he uses the word homophily to describe this phenomenon)
2. A tendency to minimize the real differences of interpretation and the significance of these differences – Our natural response to the question about differing interpretations of scripture by other evangelicals is often a belief that the differences are minor and that we mostly believe the same things. In fact these differences may be much larger than we are ready to admit.
3. We benefit by emphasizing our differences from each other – Somewhat going against the earlier idea, we gain a strong sense of identity within our particular theological spheres by emphasizing our uniqueness from other groups. These differences reinforce our connection to denominations and theological clusters. This has obvious benefits for us personally and corporately.Our identity is shaped as much by who we are as by who we aren’t. (Think of Duke and Carolina for a powerful example of this. They are both greater because of the other)
4.  Overcoming biblical and theological differences toward Christian unity sounds like “ecumenism”. Ecumenism sounds like liberal Protestantism. And liberal Protestantism is bad. Better to be divided in absolute commitment to truth than to be unified in flaccid, liberal compromise. In this way being divided is almost a badge of honor.

Smith is quick to say that these are just possible explanations for why we aren’t more uneasy about the wide array of interpretations that those within evangelicalism hold to. As a sociologist Smith does hit on some interesting ideas here. I for one will quickly jump on point 3 as a characteristic of the Church of the Nazarene. There is such a strong identity within the church of having a unique or peculiar understanding of holiness. This holiness badge insulates us from the interpretations of others and keeps us from having to seriously interact with the theological work of others. We can hold to our own interpretations like a great security blanket because to let go of them enough to interact meaningfully with others is to dance on the slippery slope of compromise.

Do you see merit in these ideas? What can you identify with in Smith’s observations? Have the groups that you have been a part of been marked by significant openness to conversations outside of their normal theological parameters? What are the benefits or drawbacks from these stances?

Those are some of the really difficult questions I have already encountered in the new book The Bible Made Impossible by Christian Smith. In this book Smith unpacks the idea of Biblicism and the way that we as evangelicals interpret and use scripture. At the core he is challenging our culture of the Bible and investigating its effects on our faith. I can already tell this is going to be a very challenging book to read.

One of the first things he does in the book is to look at what we as evangelicals claim about the Bible and whether or not these claims make sense. For example, we espouse a belief in the authority of scripture, its God-breathed origin, its inspiration, and for many its inerrancy. And yet, despite the authority and inspiration of scripture there are wildly divergent interpretations of scripture on virtually every issue by the group of people who all agree on its centrality to our spiritual life and its unique place as a revelation of God. Why doesn’t this bother us?

Here is a quote from the book.

So the question is this: if the Bible is given by a truthful and omnipotent God as an internally consistent and perspicuous text precisely for the purpose of revealing to humans correct beliefs, practices, and morals, then why is it that the presumably sincere Christians to whom it has been given cannot read it and come to common agreement about what it teaches? I know of no good, honest answer to that question. If the Bible is all the biblicism claims it to be, then Christians – especially those who share biblicists beliefs – ought to be able to come to a solid consensus about what it teaches, at least on most matters of importance. But the do not and apparently cannot

Wow that is a statement that should make you stop and think today. I am only a couple of chapters in on this book, but my mind is already churning. Any thoughts or responses?

Wait is this what rest feels like?

One of my main goals for this summer was to rest. Without a lengthy vacation planned I knew that I needed to dial back the activity for the summer and let my mind, body, and soul rest. Entering August I feel like that goal has been realized in a number of ways. The first area where rest became a priority has been at church. Looking towards the next year I can see the array of tasks, trips, and new ventures pastoring will require of me. So this summer I have tried to do as little as possible. I mean that. I have scheduled almost no activities at church. I have not led any small groups. I haven’t scheduled any committee meetings. I have gone home a bit earlier. I have used my vacation days to take extra days off during the weeks. I have spent more time reading, writing and praying at work. I have rested. And the result is that I am excited and beginning to feel ready for what this fall has for our church.

The other part of rest has been intentionally carving out time with people. At home, taking trips, walking around the neighborhood, stopping by on friends, this summer has been a time for social connection and being with people I love. It is amazing how full your heart becomes simply by being with great people. This is a form of rest in and of itself. It is nourishing and beautiful.

Have you found any rest this summer? Do you schedule rest in your life? Do you rest from work or try the far more Biblical approach of working from rest? It is never too late to discover better balance for your life.

Next on the Reading List

During the summer I often invest a couple of months into reading fiction. After working my way through the entire Game of Thrones collection this summer and various other fiction works, I am shifting my reading. Today two books I pre-ordered for my Kindle have been delivered. For the next month I am digging into A Public Faith by Miroslav Volf and The Bible Made Impossible by Christian Smith. I will, as usual, offer my reviews as I read them.

What book recommendations do you have for me for the next couple of months? I am a bit burned out on “the church should be missional books” of a theoretical nature. If you have any practical ones to suggest I would be eager for those. I am also hungry for some spiritual depth and theological works. I need to read a classic or two, everything lately has been too contemporary. What might you suggest?

We should have a lockout every year!

No one enjoyed the prolonged NFL lockout, but the frenzied reality of packing in three months of off-season activity into two weeks is a football fans dream. Every five minutes there is another piece of NFL news. It makes me happy. Thus far the big winners of the off-season are the Philadelphia Eagles. Their defense is formidable, with a terrific secondary, an active front line and lots of playmakers. As a Redskins fan I am terrified of this team that already beat down my Skins in a historic fashion last year.

As far as the Skins go, I am very pleased. Coach Shanahan hit the reset button on some of his decisions from last year, such as McNabb and the Haynesworth bungling, and he has overhauled the roster. The roster is younger, fits the system better, and reflects that kind of players Shanahan likes. The Skins aren’t going to be Super Bowl contenders with John Beck at QB, but the added some nice pieces thus far that would suddenly look even better if they had a franchise QB attached to them. Next year’s draft will be deep at QB so maybe our answer lies there.

What about your team? Are you pleased with the moves they have made? Who are your early favorites?