Could this issue be any more clear for us now? Homosexuality isn’t killing the American home, Heterosexuality is!
First there is the ridiculousness of Jon and Kate. What started out as a cute show about how a normal family tries to handle having 8 young children became an exercise at pimping out a family to gain fame and fortune. Now of course their marriage is over. They of course have been hailed as great examples for Christian families everywhere. Guess what, whether or not you proclaim Jesus as Lord, if you chase money and fame and love of self in your marriage, it will absolutely fail.
Then there was Nevada Senator John Ensign admitting to an affair. He of course was being hailed as a great conservator leader and a real darling of the GOP.
Now there is the bizarre news today, from South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the chairman of the Republican Governors Association and potential 2012 Presidential nominee, that he too had an affair. Sanford really dug himself a huge hole on this one by lying to his staff and the state about where he was and hopping a plane to Argentina to conduct his affair. Don’t tell people you are hiking the AT and then go to Argentina if you want to be governor. As a matter of fact, if you are married and love your spouse don’t do it at all!
Everywhere we look conservative leaders and even Christian in the public spotlight are showing why marriages are failing in our country. It is not because of the debate over homosexual rights and marriage, it is because we do not take seriously how hard it is to be married. We aren’t in our marriages to last. We are in them as a matter of personal convenience. We choose to be together so long as it suits us. Until we set aside our pursuit of self indulgence, fame, money, and a lack of maturity and exemplify the servant life of Christ in our marriages, they will continue to fail inside and outside of the church at an astonishing rate. It almost begs the question as to why the homosexual community is fighting so hard for the right to be married, especially when so many of us just don’t seem to care that we have the ability to anyways.
June 24, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Peace, man. You sound hostile. Jesus is still Lord. Peace.
June 24, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I agree with you, Greg. But, I am going to disagree on one statement. I am guessing that in your anger, which is just as I feel your anger, that you made a statement about that conservative leaders and Christians in the public are showing why marriages are failing in the country. I’m not sure we can make such a blanket statement when we all in the church have had some blame in the way marriage is not valued as much as it was perhaps when we grew up. In fact, I don’t think we really teach what it means to be a family anymore, but we do teach “don’t worry, be happy” well.
There are many reasons as to why marriage is not valued in today’s world. The media promotes promiscuity. Our music promotes moving from one relationship to the next. We value “happiness” over dedication. We don’t even teach what true love is supposed to look like anymore. However, my family has had at least 10 divorces that I can recall, so we are the poster children for broken families. It wasn’t because we saw something on television or was inspired by desires to live life “to the fullest.” It was because at the root of our family we are broken people who have lost what it means to be a family.
When we teach what it means to be a family – both in our homes and in our community – then we move marriage from being a contract to being a commitment. Of course, events like the past few weeks are not going to help, but I pray we as leaders in the church and future leaders of the church begin the work – through the grace of God – to teach what marriage is and must look like and what it means to be in a family. We have no other choice.
June 24, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Maggie,
I am missing the connection between the sovereignty of God and sharing in his zeal for marriage. I am not angry or lacking in perspective, I am simply passionate about marriage.
Shannon,
I am not placing blame on conservatives for marriages decline, I am far more concerned, as you are, for the churches failures. I am just tired of all of us who are part of the problem trying to place the blame in someone elses hands.
June 24, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I am too. We live in a society that wants to point blame and not do anything. I got tired of it working at the Pope Center. I am working on my devotion for tomorrow night’s fellowship at church. Somehow, someway, the words family, must get better, and we are all part of the problem, will get in there.
June 24, 2009 at 11:27 pm
greg, bob here.
i can easily read and certainly appreciate your passion on this subject. please allow me to suggest that your post might be slightly incomplete, at least from my perspective.
i know you are a well-read individual and you probably know that atheists have a lower divorce rate than Christians. could there be more to marriage than if we love Jesus, we will be ok? afterall, atheists seem to know what marriage requires in addition to Jesus. remember “all we need is love” ?? not exactly…i certainly agree that if both parties “exemplify the servant life of Christ in our marriages” it will go a long way.
i agree that the church has a role to play. i look forward to your blogging about your sermons that speak in a real manner about your personal struggles in marriage, what the Bible says about husband, wife, and marriage, how Jesus DOES make a difference, and perhaps other components a heathy marriage requires.
your “we” statements rubbed me the wrong way, but that’s because i don’t really care for generalizations. please keep praying about this subject becuase it needs to be taught and re-taught–many Christians need to be frankly and honestly reeducated on marriage.
June 25, 2009 at 9:11 am
Bob,
Certainly the issue is far bigger than whether or not we love Jesus. We have to give our whole lives over to being transformed in order to understand self sacrifice and being a servant of love.
The hard part about love is that most of us never actually understand it. I think about the incredible words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 and the depths to which he goes to explain true love. Most of us never know that kind of love in our lives, let alone our marriages.
We, the church, all of us who are married, anyone who cares about marriage, do need to look at our own understandings of love and ask ourselves what is shaping our view of love.
June 25, 2009 at 7:06 am
Marriage between a man and a woman is God’s idea, not man’s idea. That’s why it is called “Holy Matrimony”. If Messiah is not the center of your home, your marriage will struggle and possibly fail. My wife and I have overcome great challenges to our marriage by pressing in to God, being faithful to HIM first, then tied together with a three strand cord: wife, husband, Yeshua. God restored our marriage when it was on the brink of divorce. He wants to restore marriages if His children will let Him. The bible says, …”He hates divorce.” Christian marriage is an area where Believers can be salt and light to a dark, secular world. The church desperately needs a revival in this area!
June 25, 2009 at 8:13 am
Difficult not to respond to this chat on marriage, because I too have
been feeling angry and sad for the lost and broken marriages that have
recently been broadcast to the world.
As I look back over the past 40 years that my husband and I have been married I can tell you that being committed to making the marriage work and being committed to God has been our secret. Marriage is tough, most relationships are and they require that we love unconditionally and be willing to forgive one another. I have never felt the need to renew our marriage vows because we have been faithful to each other and to our marriage vows to love each other through the good times and the bad. Walking with God requires the same kind of committment and examination. Only the power of His love in our lives helps us to love each other unconditionally and to be willing and able to forgive and move forward.
Having a wonderful husband who sees me as his equal and treats me with
love and respect has also been a big part of our success. I am
the only person in my family who has never been divorced, all the glory
belongs to God.
I know a wise young couple who stops each year to examine their marriage and determine the state of their union and determine what they need to change or do to keep their marriage on track. This kind of unselfish love is another key to a successful marriage.
God Bless!
June 25, 2009 at 9:13 am
Thanks Mom! Indeed the egalitarian nature of our house growing up has shaped a great deal of my hopes for marriage. It is amazing that in all of our family, your side and Dad’s side, the only marriages that have worked have been Mommaw and Poppaw, you and Dad and now your children. The example of Christ within those relationships is the cord that holds them together.
June 25, 2009 at 9:00 am
Adding my 2 cents….I have been hearing from women around me who are struggling in their marriages that they feel alone in their struggles and that feel that they are failing but don’t know how to change their situation. One thing as Christians we often fail at is to truly be authentic with others and admit our imperfections. It doesn’t mean we air our personal problems to everyone we meet, but it does require a bit of transparency and willingness to share with our small groups or friends. As the church we need to be talking more about how we have benefited from counseling, mentoring young couples and just sharing our struggles and successes would help.
June 25, 2009 at 9:15 am
Bethany,
Here you have hit the rub. I talk to couples all the time whose marriages don’t work very well and almost always there are different levels of commitment involved. There are different levels of commitment to God, to the needs of each other, and even to their children. Marriage doesn’t work unless both parties buy in fully and give up their self centered ways. I hope our church becomes a place where couples are mentored and marriage is a focus and a mission.
June 25, 2009 at 9:39 am
In your initial post you referred to Jon/Kate and stated “Guess what, whether or not you proclaim Jesus as Lord, if you chase money and fame and love of self in your marriage, it will absolutely fail.”
I was just noting that whether people claim him or not Jesus is still Lord.
I definately see a connection between God’s lordship and God’s zeal for marriage.
It seems the only way for people to remain in healthy marriages is within of the Lordship of Christ as couples bow to Him.
June 25, 2009 at 10:19 am
FYI: There are some great short articles on love, marriage, fidelity, covenant, friendship, etc. in the Christian Sexual Ethics section of the book From Christ to the World: Introductory Readings in Christian Ethics.