Holiness Reeducation

For those of you who do not follow the NBA, this post is not for you. For those of you who want to celebrate Kobe’s big night, this post is not for you. For those of you who like car wrecks (like when your best player gets pulled over with marijuana in his car and then gets traded for a really old shooting guard), curses (like getting the number one pick in the draft and drafting someone who was born with hands the size of my two year old and no heart) and just plain ridiculousness (like giving a guard coming off of 3 surgeries in two years a contract for over a 100 million dollars) then this post is indeed for you because I am about to go on a rant about the Washington Wizards. Here we go. If you watch this video and get it, then please read on.

So last night the Wiz had the second best chance of getting the #1 pick in the 2009 NBA draft. They had a 36% chance of at least getting one of the top two picks. What happens? They end up with their worst case scenario, the number 5 pick. Why is this a problem? Well it is pretty much a two person draft, and it really isn’t even that great of a draft to begin with. So why am I ranting, well it is the way they got the 5^th pick that really seals it.

The Wizards finished with the 2^nd worst record in the league, tied with the Los Angeles Clippers. To determine which team had the higher percentage of ping pong balls in the lottery they essentially flip a coin. The Wizards won, which improved their odds slightly over the Clippers. Except that the way that the lottery system works, if the Wizards had lost the coin flip, they instead of the Clippers would have ended up with the #1 pick and the Clippers would have been five. A coin flip moved us from drafting Blake Griffin to hoping to find a rotation guy?!?! There is nothing in the name of Charles Jones (who for several season as our starting center averaged more fouls per game than points) to explain such bad luck except for the curse of the Bullets.

So here are my suggestions for ending the curse on our franchise.

1. The basketball higher powers obviously are displeased with the franchise so make a sacrifice to appease them. We should start by sacrificing the name Wizards. This has obviously empowered the evil powers around the franchise to wreak mayhem. I suggest going with something more Washington appropriate like Senators or Gangbangers or Obamas, you know something catchy.
2. Strike the name Michael Jordan from our records. Jordan was never supposed to touch our franchise. Like Prometheus bringing fire down from the Gods, it just crossed a line to have the greatest player ever associated with us in anyways. From now on his name, like Voldemort will not be spoken in reference to our franchise.
3. Resign Juwan Howard and trade him to Miami. When the NBA killed Howard’s contract with the Heat and he resigned with us for 100 million it ruined us for half a decade. The basketball powers have not forgotten how the NBA got in the way of what should have been a great lesson in humility for us. We need to right this wrong. Juwan is still out there, there is still time.

Here are my suggestions for what to do now with the franchise

1. We need to try and trade the 5^th pick, the two big expiring contracts of Etan Thomas and Mike James and one or two of our young guys (Blatche and Young) and get someone who can play. No doubt the Wiz would try and parlay this group into an All Star, but you are getting Amare or Bosh for that junk. You might get say Jason Richardson or Michael Redd or someone who can score or rebound. We don’t need more young fellas. We don’t need foreign players (although Rubio would be nice). So get someone to help. Jamison is getting old.
2. If we can’t trade the pick take either James Harden (who everyone says is a great scorer but he has stunk every time I watched him play), Jordan Hill who could provide some inside toughness, or maybe Demar DeRozan because he could Descore Debasketball.
3. Trade down in the draft, get a good rotation guy, say trade with the Pistons, send them number 5, some expiring stuff and Blatche or Young and get back Tayshaun and the #15 pick. With the #15 pick take the next coming of Wes Unseld, DeJuan Blair from Pittsburgh. For a franchise whose cornerstone is a 6′6″ center with serious beef, how could we go wrong picking this guy? He is a monster. Put him on the floor with Arenas, Caron, Jamison, and Haywood and we have plenty of scoring and great rebounding and inside presence. This team could actually win something.
4. If we are going to pay the tax this year, then pay the tax this year and sign some veteran help with the Mid Level Exemption. There are lots of guys hitting the market this year in a free agent year that will be very down. Here are the guys who might end up signing for the mid level – Shawn Marion, Rasheed Wallace, Trevor Ariza, Paul Millsap, some of the class of 2005 whose options might not be picked up maybe a Raymond Felton or a Jarret Jack or Nate Robinson or Linas Kleiza even.

If we turn 5 into a starter or sixth man and use the mid level to go get somebody worthwhile then we may win 50 games next year assuming Agent Zero is at 80-85 percent of his former capacity.

There I am spent now and the Wizards are fixed. I feel much better now. I am going to go and try to find Gheorge Muresan’s email address and finding out what he is doing these days. Here are some highlights from the old days.