The Fidelity of Betrayal

Betraying our Faith to find Faithfulness

Peter Rollins has written a thought provoking book called The Fidelity of Betrayal. In the book Rollins looks at the nature of the word of God and the story of God’s people contained in it and asks us to reconsider some ideas we may have about both. This is not a book for the casual reader. This is a book that demands attention, thought, mulling, stewing, basking, regurgitation and slow simmered comprehension to really enjoy it.

There are numerous thought provoking ideas I want to bring into conversation, but let’s start with the idea of betrayal. Rollins says this, “The relationship between fidelity and betrayal in the Judeo-Christian tradition is further complicated in the Scriptures via stories that seem to suggest that one must wrestle with, disagree with, and even disobey God for the sake of retaining on’e fidelity to God.”

He takes a look at three stories, Abraham and the sacrifice of Isaac, Jacob wrestling with God, and Peter and the vision at Cornelius’ house as examples of God calling people to betray their faith in order  to remain faithful to it.

All three do have this tension between betrayal and faithfulness. Abraham had to become a murderer, in his heart at least, of his son, the promised heir God had given him. Only in the moment he determined to carry out this action did God stop him. Jacob had to refuse God, act audaciously before him and demand a blessing of him to become the obedient leader of God’s people. God give him the name Israel that will define Jacob and his descendants as those who wrestle with God, those who are faithful through critical engagement. Peter had to act in defiance of the purity laws given by God in order to be pure. He had to become disobedient to be obedient.

These tests that God gives his people challenge our assumptions and even our attempts at obedience and make us go the very edge of our faith so that we can be faithful. Has God called you to through this sort of test? Have you ever found yourself having to be disobedient so you can be obedient?

My Disobedient Obedience

I can look back now over the past ten years of my life and find this struggle within my story. I grew up Nazarene but by the time I went to college I was deeply disatisfied with my Christian experience within the Nazarene church. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe, didn’t spend time in the word or wasn’t surrounded by faithful Christians. I just had this powerful feeling that there God was bigger and there was far more to experience of God than I had. So when I went to college I decided I would run as far away from the Nazarenes as possible. I went to Willow Creek for a couple of years. I worked with the youth group at the Bible Church for three years. I ended up worshiping at an Anglican church with a Wesleyan pastor. I went to as many different churches as I could and read widely to get a bigger picture of the church.

When I got my call to ministry I continued on this exploration. I looked at seminaries as diverse as Fuller, Dallas, Trinity, Asbury, and Gordon Conwell. I was willing to open up the cupbard and see what was really avaialable. The strange thing was that in the midst of this time I felt God very clearly call me to go back and minister within the Church of the Nazarene. I had no idea why, but said okay. I ended up at Denver Seminary and to my suprise spent five years at the Nazarene church down the road, working, interning, worshiping and learning.

After seminary I was ready to take the plunge and go work for a Nazarene church but none wanted me. I wasn’t part of the network, I didn’t go to the right schools and I think I scared some people. So after two years of trying to get a Nazarene church to hire me I ended up at a Methodist church. This was betrayal number one.

While in a Methodist church I worked to remain faithful and finished up my ordination in the COTN. (Church of the Nazarene, herein abbreviated) If I wasn’t sure my working for a Methodist church was a betrayal the powers that be certainly let me know that it was a big betrayal and weren’t sure they should believe I wanted to be ordained as a Nazarene. But they couldn’t seem to find a reason to say no and I was ordained.

Fast forward three years and I was starting to feel God calling me to an openess about a new ministry. I was preparing myself and ready to go to a Nazarene church. But the church God connected me with wasn’t Nazarene, it was non-denominational. It was far away. It was awesome, exciting and the kind of position I had dreampt of. But, I couldn’t take this job, what about the calling God had placed on me to work in the COTN?

After a month of prayer Gretchen and I decided that we would be willing to go to this other church. We knew that it meant giving up what I had been working towards but we knew this was what God wanted us to do. (At least I felt strongly this way, my wife says she never believed we were going there) Then it happened. As soon as I agreed to do this thing, to give up my calling, to surrender my credentials if necessary, and to go a different route, God stepped in. He said thanks for being willing, but I really do want you to be in the COTN. Stop and wait and listen. Be prepared to say yes.

I didn’t have to wait long and God came calling and showed me a different path that has lead to where we are now. But, I never would have gotten here without listening to a call that seemed disobedient. I had to betray my calling to be faithful to it. Strange, wonderful and beautiful, those are the only words I can think of to describe this journey of faith.

Have you had your own experiences of betrayal that lead to faithfulness? What do you think of this idea that Rollins puts forth?