The Best Bad Movies of All Time

At lunch yesterday my friend Patrick told me that I needed a new list post on the blog. It has been a long time since we debated the trivial, so here is a little mid week gift for you. Patrick suggested we come up with the list of the best bad movies of all time (my interpretation of his suggestion). These are not movies that are bad as in dirty, but movies that are bad because of poor movie making.

What criteria will help movies move up this list?

Cast - Having big name bad actors and actresses will help. I am sure there are some names that will appear frequently, especially with “That Guy” actors and actresses, the kind of people who seem to have a bit part or supporting role in all these films.

Plot – Ludicrous plot lines really help out

Dialogue – Bad one liners that stay with you forever up the ante here

The TNT Test – If TNT is showing this movie for the 32nd consecutive day, do you still stop to watch scenes that you love or hate

Datedness – I just made up that word. If a movie is especially dated culturally, it is hard not to want to watch it just to mock it.

Bonus Points – If this movie was good/awful enough to spur a whole series of bad remakes, if it has gotten better/worse with age, or if you appeared in the movie there are bonus points available.

Here are some of the movies that come to my mind immediately….Roadhouse – This Patrick Swayze action flick is about kicking some butt in bars. My favorite line… “Pain don’t hurt” Sam Eliot – a great That Guy is in this film

Point Break – Two Hall of Fame bad actors – Keanu Reeves and once again Patrick Swayze in this surfing crime drama.  Great line – “They only live to get radical.”

Highlander - Epic, epic bad/awesome film. Christopher Lambert with a terrible Scottish accent as an ageless warrior trying to chop the heads off of other ageless warriors. So good it hurts. Famous line, “There can be only one.” Bonus points – spurred a whole TV series and three other films. Also huge bonus points for a great soundtrack featuring Queen. My college roommate and I searched for three years for that soundtrack before we found it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Kristy Swanson, Luke Perry, Donald Sutherland, Paul Ruebens and Rutger Hauer, need I say any more? Cheerleader slays vampires, who doesn’t dig that? Spurred a very successful TV series. If it weren’t for this movie would we have the gift of Sarah Michele Geller?

Commando – I can list about 15 different Arnold movies here, but I will go with the first one I ever saw because I still can’t turn it off. This is Arnold at his most ripped. Features a 12 year old Alyssa Milano and Arnold defeating an entire private army with what he found in the gardeners shed. Famous line, “I lied”

Predator - All right I couldn’t limit it to just one Arnold movie because this has had a lasting impact. This movie featured not one, but two future governors with a pivotal role by Jesse Ventura. Also here is standout bad actor Carl Weathers. This brought us not only a sequel but a spinoff of Aliens verses Predator. Great line, “If it bleeds, we can kill it.”

Waterworld – This Kevin Costner disaster lives at the center of one of the longest running jokes between my college roommates and I, so that elivates its status for me personally. This futuristic film is dated, that is what makes it so beautiful. The unstoppable Dennis Hopper is the villain and there is a sadly covered environmental message that even seems dated with its emphasis on the Exxon Valdez. The only thing against this one is how long it is. Speaking of Kevin Costner

The Postman - An hour into this movie Costner still isn’t the postman yet. Tom Petty and Will Patton of Remember the Titans fame round out some of the cast. Would have had bonus points if the rest of the Heartbreakers had joined Tom Petty in this one. Can’t believe Costner followed up Waterworld with this mess. Not as rewatchable as some of the others.

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man – Hard to put this one into word. Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson team up to rob a bank to save a friends bar and end up in a world of trouble. That’s right, Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson, enough said.

Con-Air – This one made a lot of money. This one features the worst southern accent ever done. Nicolas Cage just butchers this one, but it does look like he spent a lot of time in the weight room. This one has so many good actors in it. Steve Buscemi, John Malkovich, John Cusack, Ving Rhames, Colm Meaney, Dave Chapelle, and Danny Trejo (The #1 Hispanic That Guy). Best line, “Give me the bunny”

There are some of my favorites off the top of my head, what are some of yours?