Cut if Off

There is a place on my hand; long its been there

It is a wound, deep and long, a remnant of an old battle

It just won’t heal; I pick and pick at it, never letting the scar fully form

It sits there, aching, stinking, hurting, reminding me of what I am not

Thing is I need my hand ‘cause I use it everyday

Without my hand, how would I survive, how would I maintain this life I have built

The wound isn’t so bad, it will go away, maybe I will stop bothering it

Just can’t stand the itch, need to scratch, now it is bleeding again

I think it is infected, what does infection look like anyway?

Could go to a doctor, but I don’t want anyone to know about my wound.

I keep it hidden, out of site; no one knows how it lingers

If they knew how I got it, I would be ashamed, can’t let that happen either

So on I go, picking, hurting, hiding and suffering

It has puss now. Is that bad? I am sure it won’t get worse

Green is a good color right, that means it is healing on its own

When it turns black I start to worry, the pain is no longer just in my hand

Want to get help, want to stop the pain, but now I fear it is too late.

Why didn’t I just get help at the beginning, I knew when I started on this journey it needed to heal, but pride hurt more than the wound.

The wound isn’t so hidden now, and my whole body aches.

I hear the voice calling again, to just cut it off.

I know it needs to go, that life will be so much better on the other side

But, it’s my hand and we have been together for a long time

Will life work without the itch, the ache and pain?

I don’t know, but the pain is too much to ignore anymore.

Free at last, of the pain, free to go on living.

Sometimes there are phantom pains, reminders of the past.

But, when they come I look down and realize what I have gained, not what I have lost.

I have gained freedom, freedom to really live.

No longer scratching, hiding, aching, or lost in the pain

I find that there is far more joy, more peace, and better life than I have ever known.

Who knew that cutting it off would gain me so much?

Oh yeah, God did, that’s why he told to me to do it years ago.

I really need to listen better.