Holiness Reeducation

(5 years ago today I lost a dear friend, the best mentor I ever had and the pastor who has shaped my ministry more than any other. This is simply a letter of thanks to him.)

Dear Raegan,

It is nearly unfathomable to me that it has been 5 years since we last talked. I know that I talk to you all the time, but it has been a long time since we talked face to face. Five years, how is that possible? I went back and counted and you and I only spent 565 days working together. It has been more than three times longer than since you have been gone. 565 days is nothing in a lifetime of days, and yet those 565 days changed my life in immeasurable ways. So I just want to say thanks today.

I want to say thanks because you were quite simply the best pastor I have ever known. That isn’t to say that you didn’t have your faults. You loved to be a rebel among the Methodists, you really liked having things your own way, and your were just a little bit of a perfectionist. (That was understatement in case the tone was lost!) But I loved all those things about you and they never bothered me, they simply made me smile and love you more. There is nothing I do as a pastor that is not in someway shaped by the time you invested into me.

First of all you chose me to invest in. I was such a wreck before I came to Christ Church. I knew I had a calling and I knew I had gifts and ideas and I longed so badly to just have an opportunity. For whatever reason you looked at me and you saw an opportunity for me and potential in me. You let me the “liturgically ignorant” Nazarene come and serve your beautiful and wonderfully high church Methodist church. You did more than that, you gave my family and I a home that we had never had before. It was the one thing we prayed about more than anything else and you were the answer to our prayers.

Each week as I walk around my church and I straighten all the chairs, and I drape material over a table or display, and I walk the lay people through all of our transitions in the service and I try to give people something beautiful and excellent in our worship service, I do those things because of you. You had an eye for small things that make a big difference and my life has never been the same because of it. You had that eye not just for the church but also for me. You were afraid to tell me things at first because you didn’t want to come off as critical, but in time you spoke so much truth into my life  and helped me see so many areas where the details were getting lost. Those insights have had such an impact that I simply mourn the lose of your input in the rest of my life. I am so thankful for the time we had, but oh the work God still had for you to do and the need I still have today for your voice in my life.

I want to thank you Raegan because you and your family became my family. You loved us and accepted us and supported us in such a generous and hospitable way that frankly you changed my view of the world. One of the ways I try to honor you with my life is by reflecting your generosity. Thank you for teaching me about God’s love in a way I had not experienced before or have not experienced since.

I have done my best since you have been gone, to carry on your mission in this world. I gave everything I had to your church, fighting through the pain of your loss, the devastation of working next to your office every day, and the lingering disappointment of lost dreams. I didn’t always make the right choices and I made lots of mistakes, but effort and motivation were never lacking and that was because of you. I hope that repaid a small portion of the extraordinary debt of love I will feel for you the rest of my life.

You are smiling now when you see where we are, I just know it. When we were answering the call to leave your church and come out here I knew that it was a decision you would have been so proud of. We didn’t make it because of it, but I know it made you proud. Leaving a place of comfort and blessing, leaving home really, to go to a situation that would test and stretch everything about our lives, I just know you were smiling because we were starting to figure it out. We were figuring out this upside down kindgom living life that you preached about so boldly and tried to model for those you ministered to. Without you I don’t know if I make that decision, so thanks for that to.

I know that you are smiling as you look at your family now too. They are so extraordinary. Lee is simply the strongest woman I know and she has taught me as much about love as you ever did. Her love is shown not just in the incredible girls you have but also in her love for my children in her role as godmother. Your family is in very capable and amazing hands and while your place in it can’t be filled, they are still a testament to your great love for them.

So thank you my dear friend, I miss you constantly. Even when I don’t think about you I know your spirit is still connected to mine through Christ. I am thankful for our connection that transcends even death itself and for the very real hope that we will see each other again soon enough. I look for you every time I gather with our people at the Father’s Table and I know that you are present then too. So until we see each other again let me just say thanks. Thanks seems so inadequate a word, but it is all I have today. Thank you for your life, the lessons you taught me, and for the enduring presence of blessing that your family is to mine. I love you Raegan and always will.

Blessings,

Greg